Book Club Forum #30: The Saving Graces

Book Selection Status: READ
Month: August 2012

Genre: Fiction

Book of the Month: The Saving Graces 

Author: Patricia Gaffney

Question source: http://www.patriciagaffney.com/savinggraces_guide.html#

Discussion Questions

1. Which Grace do you relate to most, and why? What do you define as "grace"? Where do you find it in your life?
2. Why do you think the author starts and ends the story from Emma's point of view? Would you consider Emma the main character?
3. When Lee is describing Isabel for the first time, she says, "Some people are born knowing things the rest of us spend our lives trying to learn." What kinds of things do you think she's talking about? Do you agree with Lee? What do you think Isabel had, or knew, that the other Graces didn't?
4. The night Emma finds out that Mick Draco is married, she describes men as "speed bumps ... aggravating distractions scattered along life's otherwise pretty nice highway," and also says that good women are easier to find. Do you think she really believes this? Have you ever felt the way Emma says she does? Do you think men feel that way about women -- that, on the whole, men are the better sex -- or is this a uniquely feminine perspective?
5. At one point, Rudy says about Curtis, "I tried not loving him -- just for a second; an experiment. To my horror, it worked." What does she mean by this? That her love for him isn't real? What do you think of Rudy and Curtis's relationship, over all? How did your feelings change about him over the course of the book? When he told Rudy he has leukemia, did you believe him? What do you think Rudy's dream means?
6. There's a remarkably small amount of jealousy and possessiveness among the Graces. Do you think this is realistic? Have you had the same experiences with your women friends?
7. When you tally it up among the four of them, the Graces experience just about every tragedy known to womankind -- cancer, infidelity, alcoholism and drug abuse, mental illness, infertility, and devastating heartbreak, to name a few. Do you think the author has woven these themes in realistically? Would you say this group of women experiences more than their share of suffering? What about joy?
8. The only time the idea of romantic love between women comes up in the book is via Jenny, Henry's lesbian plumber mom. Why do you think the author wrote Jenny into the story? What purpose does she
   serve? Do you think Jenny really assumes The Saving Graces is founded on the same basic ideas as the women's group/commune she belonged to in the late '70s? Is it? If so, how is it the same, and how is it
   different?
9. Have you ever belonged to a formal group like The Saving Graces? Do you think it's difficult to form close friendships with women later in life, after school and other settings? How do you think friendships among women change as they age?
10. At one point, Emma describes Isabel as her "mentor, although neither of us would ever say that out loud, and certainly we'd never use that word." Do you think that's an accurate way to describe their
    relationship?
11. What about mothering -- is Isabel the mother figure in The Saving Graces? Or is Lee? Do you think any one member takes more than she gives, or is it all pretty equal?
12. Why do you think Lee holds out for so long trying to have her own baby? Do you think she's justified in feeling so angry and desperate, especially when she has a loving husband, a good job, a nice home -- and other people have much bigger problems, like her friend Isabel, who's dying? How do you think Lee's experience with infertility affects her reactions to what's going on with Isabel?
13. Isabel says "sometimes kindness is as excruciating as cruelty." What do you think she means by that?
14. Why do you think the author wrote in Isabel's encounter with Sheldon Herman, the old man on the bench?
15. When Isabel and Kirby sleep together for the first time, she's able to forget for a moment that she's dying -- then abruptly remembers again. Do you think that sex and death are related in any way?
16. What do you think of the scene where the Graces take on Curtis? Is it realistic? Is it everybody's fantasy, in some way, to have their best friends there for them in the hardest moments? Can you really have help with these things, or do you need to face them alone?
17. Do you think Emma and Mick will make it as a couple? Or were they brought together by the desire for something they couldn't have, and, now that they have it, their passion will be diminished?
18. Which of the Graces do you think grew the most over the course of the book, and in what ways?

Book Club Forum #16: Cheap Cabernet: A Friendship

Book Selection Status: READ

Month: June 2011
Genre: Non fiction Chic-Lit Memoir
Book of the Month: Cheap Cabernet: A Friendship
Author: Cathie Beck
Question source: http://www.cathiebeck.com/my-book/reading-group-guide/

Discussion Questions:

1. Why does Cathie feel the need to start a women’s group? What crossroads has she arrived at in her life? How does her children moving away from home change the way she feels about her place in society?


2. Cathie and Denise become fast friends, but their relationship is far from smooth, even at the beginning. In what ways do their personalities clash? In what ways do they complement one another? Why do you think their complex relationship ends up being so special?

3. Why does Cathie retell the story of applying for food stamps when her children are young? What does that story tell the reader about Cathie’s life as a young mother? What do we learn about her background, and how does it inform the woman we meet in the memoir?

4. Discuss issues of ownership as they are portrayed in the memoir (Cathie’s need to own a house, and Denise’s need to own garage sale bargains). What does owning material objects mean to each of the women? How do their different backgrounds inform this need?

5. Denise and John have unique and unconventional marriage. How does Cathie feel about their relationship? Do you think she envies them, or pities them? What about the marriage works for Denise, and in what ways does the arrangement fail her? Do you think John and Denise are in love? Why or why not?

6. Cathie had very complicated, mixed feelings about Denise’s illness. In what ways does Cathie let Denise’s MS affect their friendship? Would you say that Cathie takes care of Denise when she is ill? In what ways does Denise’s MS frustrate and disappoint Cathie?

7. Discuss Cathie and Denise’s trip to Jamaica and Cuba. In what ways is the trip a turning point for both women? What do they each discover about themselves on the trip and what do they discover about one another?

8. Why does Cathie include the story of her visit to New York to see where Denise grew up? What does visiting Denise’s home, and meeting the women she grew up with tell us about Denise and her upbringing? Why does meeting these women have such a profound effect on Cathie?

9. Toward the end of the memoir, Cathie writes about her own mother, and the struggles she faced raising Cathie and her siblings. Is Cathie anything like her mother? In what ways does Cathie escape her families’ legacy? In what ways does she continue where her mother left off? How does her family and her childhood haunt her into her adult life?

10. In the end, Cathie and Denise have a falling out and Cathie does not attend her friend’s memorial service. Do you think Denise orchestrated their rift to protect Cathie, as Cathie assumes? Do you think Cathie can really find closure?

11. Cheap Cabernet follows in a tradition of many great memoirs, novels, and movies about women’s friendships. How does this book fit in to that tradition? How is Cathie and Denise’s friendship unique from others you have read about or seen?